Your story, be it conception, pregnancy, birth, parenting, healing, schooling, home schooling, unschooling, travel schooling or wherever else your journey has taken you is unique and special.
Just yesterday, I came across yet another woman who was feeling judged for her choice of delivering her child.
I met this amazing mother 6 months after she had delivered a healthy baby girl through a common friend. She was so happy, vibrant, involved and connected to her child – exactly what a child needs her mother to be! Two years later it hurts me to hear that the otherwise confident person suddenly felt so many negative emotions all at once.
The backstory to this – she has been trying to conceive the second time and it has been difficult. Her gynecologist cited her weight gain as a possible reason for the difficulty. This is a difficult time for any woman at multiple levels. A time when she can use all the support and resources, she can to get back to being her happy, loving and confident self. Unfortunately, people seemed to constantly reiterate to her in many ways that her weight gain is due to her choice of delivery of the first child – a cesarean section. If this was not enough, the abundance of ‘positive birth stories’ on the internet can make one only feel more miserable.
First let’s look at this term – ‘positive birth story’. The very fact that we use the word positive gives us scope to wonder what are the negative ones. Most often than not, positive birth stories are associated with natural birthing, water birthing, supportive spouses, instant connections with the baby soon after birth, pain endurance, brilliant midwives or doctors, amazing staff, state of the art facilities and the like. While all of these are amazing to have when a woman has to deliver her child, have we ever stopped to think about the birth stories of our grandmothers who delivered at home with the help of an older woman and other mothers in the community? What about the women in our villages who deliver this way even today? Aren’t those positive birth stories too?
Let’s look at another type of birth story – children/ relationships born from or borne in the heart. Mothers who choose to foster children, Mothers who foster a different species altogether, Mothers who have lost children, children who lost their Mothers, women who want to conceive but are unable to and women who chose not to be mothers but simply support, care and spread love through whatever they are doing. Where do these fit in the way we view the current scheme of things?
During my pregnancy when I told my consulting gynecologist that I would really like to deliver naturally, she stopped doing whatever she was doing, looked at me and said, ‘At this very moment I have four women in labor and one of them is delivering her fourth child. I still cannot tell which way their deliveries can go. It entirely depends on the child.’ I can still feel her deep, stable yet concerned gaze on me whenever I go back to this conversation. My reason for wanting a normal deliver was that I am really scared of being cut open, I mean who isn’t. But her statement prepared me for either mode of delivery. For that, I am forever grateful for her presence in my story!
We must remember that we are all here on our own unique journey. No two people’s journey can be compared and contrasted to arrive at a standard conclusion of life’s purpose. Then why compare birth stories? Isn’t that unique to each child born and each woman delivering? Every woman’s story I hear is unique and precious in its own right.
Dear Mothers,
Here is my only suggestion to all of you. Your story, be it conception, pregnancy, birth, fostering, nursing or not, parenting, healing, schooling, home schooling, unschooling, travel schooling or wherever else your journey has taken you is unique and special. Accept yourself for who you are and fall in love with yourself so no amount of judgement, comparison or criticism can make you feel otherwise. Remember at all times that you deserve to be loved and cherished. Who better to do that than yourself? So go ahead, tune out all that noise in your head, look at yourself in the mirror, into your eyes (like my gynecologist did to me) and tell yourself loudly and clearly ‘I Love You’. Say it like you mean it, if it didn’t work its magic the first time, repeat it till you mean it. Once you find this love within yourself, external validations will no more matter to you and that’s where I wish for all of us to be.
When you fall in love with yourself it is only natural that you pass on this love to everyone around you. Imagine touching so many lives with that one powerful emotion, imagine the kind of change it will bring about in you, the people around you including your children and the environment around you!
This will also be one of the most powerful things you will be modelling to your children and people around you.
We are always here to support you in whichever way you need to reach the ‘Self-Love’ space.
In the meantime, sending you all the love you need!
